Bonjour loves~ I first heard this song back in 2008(in February). It makes me think of Los Angeles, driving๐ at night on the bridge with the lights of the city illuminating.๐ Welcome to the February edition of this blog! Click here to continue!
๐ตI wanna be closer... to you baby...๐ต
2/5 Guess who I saw at the store with my Mom? The assistant manager. While my mom was contemplating on getting water, I kept looking at her and back at the assistant manager who was getting food. Strangely enough, on our way to the store, I was kinda praying I'd see her again. Despite everything that has happened, I don't know why... Closure perhaps? And there she was... I snapped out of it and decided to go over. I stroked her back like I used to do when I would see her. She turns to speak to me as yeah, she knew it was me. She asked me how I was doing, I said not good. She asks why. I said I have no job and I can't see you anymore. She said aww I'm sorry. She walks around me to the other side to put more food in the box. She told me no one has hours and she's on her lunch. I told her it looks good. I put my head down. She asks me if I'm OK. I said yeah. She asks are you sure? I said yeah with my head down. She says well and something else I can't recall, then opens her arms for a hug(you guys can recall in the last post about me wanting her to take me in her arms). Again, I am still shocked by our last encounter with the compliment. I walk in her arms for a hug. I scrolled my hands down and I spanked her on the butt. She softly says no ma'am and walks off. lol What did I tell y'all? GOOFY! A big ole marshmallow! Those t1tt13s felt good and soft. I saw her walking to leave and I seductively said byeeee *****. She smiles and says bye. I knew she feels something. But me, time to move on...
Just wanted to add this in since there are folks who are fascinated by our interactions. Alas, this will be the final time I will bring this individual up in this blog. I don't believe in chasing after heterosexual people. I guess in a way, I am going to miss seeing the attention I was getting from her(as I'm sure she will miss mine). When I would look around and there she was watching me. When I was at the register and I would turn around to see her lying on the register watching me. When I looked up, we were always meeting eye to eye with each other. Her leaning over customers to look at me. The stares of an admirer. Even with my last stroke of her back, why no 'no Lin, not into that?' But that's that... I remember having a dream about her on Dec. 6th of her approaching me and I opened my arms to hug her. It's weird. The best advice I can give the ladies who are LBQ, don't fall in love with your managers.
I forgot to mention that my mom was standing right there. She asked me who that was and I told her. I guess I am sort of officially out of the closet with the last person to accept me, which is mom. She was all smiles the entire day afterwards. And I'm glad for it.
I went into Dollar Tree. I saw that they had some really nice Valentine's Day gifts. I hadn't had a Valentine in twelve years. I used to be sad during this month but instead, I use this month to just love myself.
I was having flashbacks about 2008 when Beyonce was on stage performing Proud Mary with Tina Turner, I think it was the Grammys. I couldn't stop looking at the Asian female dancer who was up there with them. I remember my dad even bringing up 'did you see that Asian girl.' LOL Hell yeah, how could I miss her? I didn't even notice the other dancers. She was fit and had those long legs. I love tall women.
2/7 And here's some better news! I got a new job! Yep! I was surprised when this place called me. But I was hired on spot. The pay is higher but I will see how this works out.
The interviewer asked me what my hobbies are. Of course I said food. Then I said photography. She asked me was I an artist. I said I used to be. She told me I should go back to your passion, it might make something she said, sorry. It was nice words. I really hope I can be able to go back to my passions. Just sick of feeling helpless.
I forgot to mention last month that I am interested in dating Korean women(if she's half White, that's a major plus). I miss talking to Asian women. Back in the early 2000s, I had some kickass Asian friends but after 2001, ugh... Too much White worship and heterosexuality for me. I want to go back to being ingratiated with nothing but Asian stuff. Drifting away from them made me miserable. But I'm tired and can't do it anymore. I am going to live my life and not worry about what they think.
But back to the Asian chicks from the early 2000s. There were two I was really close to, they were both Chinese from Hong Kong; one lived in Hong Kong and the other lived in America. I think back in February of 2001, I was really close to the one in America. I fell in love with that song Video by India Arie that same year and month. When I would see those hot Asian women in the video, it would remind me of her. We used to write these super long letters to each other, she even told me she loved me. The one in Hong Kong said she loved me too. I sure do miss those two. I couldn't find them on social media.
2/11 Wow... Even the game I was watching online was about lesbianism: Morph Girl.
No one knows that I write music. Pretty sure folks know about my poetry๐ that I used to have on here before I took it down out of fear of stealing. Yeah, today, I wrote a new song after listening to one of the songs at the end of one of the games I was watching. I plan to record someday but probably won't upload it online because musicians search the net and they will steal your work. But yeah, I've got song sheets dated from the mid nineties of songs I used to write. I miss my keyboard.๐น I need to go back to playing it.
I know that folks don't want me be a lesbian or with a woman period. But the thing is, folks are just going to accept that I am not just limiting myself to men, especially when the men where I live are total trash. I feel like people believe that they're in relationships with men, I should as well. If I disappoint them with getting with a woman than oh well. I am glad that one of my coworkers is a lesbian because there were none at my last job. That's one of the reasons why I felt so alone. Most of the folks there had boyfriends or were sexually confused. This is just a what if rant. I would love to have a boyfriend but I'm not about to compromise anything. I'm good on dating the guys from down here, same with the females.
๐ถWe've been on a tragedy for months... Why can't you agree with me for once...?๐ถ
I worry about my job... If I intend on staying here. My mental health is still an issue with me. I am still depressed, still hurting. I wanted to just get away and find peace somewhere else.
2/15 Today, I received a freebie from BzzAgent! It's the L'oreal Paris Colorista 1-Day Hair Spray in red!
2/17 When I saw these products in my L'oreal emails, I just had to check it out! I had to wait to purchase them and my Mom had a BOGO coupon. I decided to get the conditioner as well because both it and the shampoo are cheaper than the 'free' leave in conditioner.
I really don't have much to report. Mom has been talking a lot about us moving. Our house is in terrible conditions beyond repair. I have been helping her, so she has to rely on her 'baby' to help her. I don't mind but I am ready to branch out and find love. I wish we could leave state. F＊ck living in Louisiana. I'm sick of helping people. It's a thankless task and I end up with nothing, but alone...
2/25 I bought me a planner. Since I have a new job, I thought I'd get one. I have the schedule on my phone but you guys know I own an old raggedy phone that I need to upgrade. lol
2/24 I also found some makeup. I had been eyeing this glitter palette for a while and finally decided to get it. Also I have been wanting metallic purple lipstick for years. Couldn't find it at Ulta or anywhere. I just happened to go to the store and there it was. lol
This Black lady came to my register days ago with really nice makeup on and I asked her where she was going. She said to a ball downtown. I checked out the pix, and I was like HELL NAW! I'm thinking it's like an Eyes Wide Shut/Killing Kittens type of ball. lol I was like damn I wish I could go. lmao Remember what I told you guys. No more parties unless there's a lot of non-Black people there.
I hope you all have enjoyed this short blog post. If you've found this helpful, please feel free to leave a comment and submit a donation. Au revoir~✌